Sunday, September 23, 2012


It is fun that Eliza Lane is starting to enjoy playing and engaging with little baby Isaac. He thinks she is the funniest person he knows! She probably is.

Down Syndrome Buddy Walk

We weren't there for long... but we enjoyed seeing family, cleaning up a little, and drinking Shamrock Farms milk! Yum!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Our big boy!

I can't believe Isaac is already 4 months! He is rolling over, playing with his feet, trying to move all over, and got this 4-month vaccines this week! Lucky boy. I set up his jumperoo today and he was really excited. He bounced and bounced and bounced... and then went to bed. YEAH! Thank you Nana!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I am sad and crying

This culmination of emotion happened when my two-year-old daughter announced briskly, “I don't American!” I informed her that she and I and Daddy are all Americans... She proceeded to get frustrated. My husband tried to correct her rash behavior, but I knew that it was my fault! Skyler helped her get outside on the patio so that she could quietly play with her baby princesses. He even told her, look this is like your own little house. As soon as she was able to direct her energy with her dolls, kitchen, vanity, and crib, she calmed down. She loved her babies again after previously hitting Cinderella's head into the ground. Why the change?

Tears started to stream down my face as my husband helped her settle into her isolated situation. My newborn boy unlatched from my breast and smiled up at me. At this point I covered my face and cried. I let it all out. I cried about a lot of things. One was for my daughter and son. They didn't deserve the anger, and though it wasn't directed at them, it affected their ability to be happy and love.

Why was I crying? What was I really upset about? I was upset at me. I was upset that I was so angry with the radio voice that I saw him as my personal enemy. I didn't need to know anything about him of course because I had heard one of his tirades. That was enough! I knew that he was an ignorant idiot who had poorly used his resources as an American, one of the luckiest people in the world. I knew that he was anger-driven and ultra-conservative because he announced that the only way to deal with Arabs was with violence. All of the derogatory words he used to describe the Arabs in Libya and Egypt were the same words I chose to use about him. The only difference was the word, “American!” That word was caught by my daughter who now understand that Americans are idiots! Wow! I taught a good lesson today! One about hate, and one about reaction!

It was in the moment that my daughter emulated my behavior, that I began to cry. I had created a monster in effect. She didn't totally understand what I was saying, but she clung to the words she believed to be important in order to label what was bad. And now she “don't American”!

When I stopped crying, I tried to sort through my thoughts. YES! I AM angry with people who have hurt others in Israel. YES! I AM angry with men who create a movie with the intent to insult someone's personal religious beliefs. YES! I AM angry with those who support people who intend to insult others! YES! I AM angry with people who thoughtlessly killed My ambassador to Libya! YES! I AM angry that our country's efforts to help another country liberate itself has taken this turn. I AGREE with Hillary Clinton's question, “How could this have happened?” YES! I AM angry that the radio voice this morning said that he was trying NOT to use a broad brush, but that ENOUGH Arabs were ignorant idiots who only understand bullets and violence. AND YES! I AM very angry that he said that WE should show them more of that (bullets and violence)!

In my mind, I could pardon things that have happened in Israel because that is sort of vague. I could pardon the Jewish man because he was angry, but I am not personally offended by films. I have friends that are Jewish, so I am not tempted to judge Judaism as a whole. I could pardon the Libyans because I have a good friend from Libya whose family has been touched by the violence of the revolution. I also have friends whose families have suffered through out the Middle East during this difficult time. I have lived in a predominantly Islamic country and loved many Muslims. I have also lived in a country that had been oppressed by a dictator. I know how hard it is for those people to understand and make good choices for themselves when they have never had that chance. I believe it can take generations for a country to heal from that kind of violence, so I can begin to understand where the effect of that video on a people whose country and families have been changed so dramatically.

At this point, I can say that, those people haven't understood the main message of Jesus Christ, LOVE! I can say, that they understand the words as a place for “an eye for an eye.” But that American voice, he comes from a Christian country. I didn't think I could forgive him. He should have known better because he grew up in a very blessed country where he was taught about freedom, democracy, love, etc. I found myself thinking a lot of mean things about him. He was an ugly person who was hateful and violent. He didn't value human life because he thought that America needed to impulsively seek revenge.

But who was he really? He was a sad American who felt betrayed by those he had tried to support. He was just a man that I don't know anything about. He was just a voice for a lot of people who are sad and upset today. I too was upset today! I also felt betrayed. I wanted to shout across the world and hope that someone heard me. Maybe he wasn't the problem.

And who am I? Who am I to just feed into the angry frenzy? I grew up in a family that sought to understand other cultures and people. I was raised with an understanding that the greatest teaching of Christ is that we must love and forgive everyone. We must turn the other cheek. I love the idea of freedom of speech, despite the fact that it hurts to hear things that I don't like. I am highly educated, and I am blessed to be happily married to someone who helps me continue maturing. So, who am I to act like everyone else? Who am I to barge into my living room with rage? Who am I to feed my innocent daughter hate? I am sometimes a part of the problem. I am sometimes impulsively judgmental of people I don't know or understand. I verbally attack people with mean words... like idiot.

But, what do I want to happen now? Do I want my country to take our sadness and anger and continue intensifying the situation? Do I want my daughter to hate the same people that I am angry with? Do I want my home to be filled with the rage I brought home with me?

No. I want to look before I leap into a fight. I want to think before I attack those I don't understand. I want to accept that others have hurt me, without feeling that I need to hurt them back. I want to feel peace more than I want to be right. I want to vent my frustrations in a blog post instead of keeping them with me forever. I want to pray for the family of the ambassador and his staff. They must be feeling so much sadness and pain right now. I want to pray for the Middle East because their families, governments, economy are changing and the only constant in their lives is their religion. I want to pray for the two-year-old children in Libya and Egypt whose parents are bringing home their rage. I hope that they can find peace in their homes. I want to pray for the radio voice, that he can feel softer about entire nations of people. I want to pray for my heart. I hope that it can heal quickly. I hope that I can stop feeling resentment. I want to pray for the leaders of our nations and the leaders of the nations around the world. I hope that they will be able to make wise decisions about how they show their disapproval. And I want to pray for little Eliza Lane. I hope that her mommy can find ways to express her grief without poisoning her little girls' heart with hate.

I can not escape to a private patio and play all of my life. I must live in this crazy mixed-up world. I must figure out how to stop reacting because I am usually not any better than those I am reacting to. I must make decisions based off of what is right and not just what feels impulsively good in the moment. And mostly, I can not selfishly vent in anyway I want when I have to raise an innocent child. May that innocent child learn that peace in our hearts can hopefully lead to greater peace outside of our homes and nation.

--------------------------------2 hours later------------------------------------------------------------
I love to write! It is so therapeutic and I always feel better after. The world is not simpler, but my perspective is.

Monday, September 3, 2012

At three months old... do YOU think they look like siblings?

What do you think looks the same or different?